Life song

It's only life

hmm, what to write in here? I've misplaced the part of my brain that holds the keys to my review blogs. I haven't been able to post a review because I cannot for the life of me, recall the username for either of them. I really need to organize that part of my brain.  I've come up with a less overwhelming concept for writing reviews.  One review a week but a list of the books I read that week, the review and opinions being on the one that was the best of said amount of books. Since the beginning of January, I have read 38 books and I'm currently devouring number 39 (A Clockwork Orange).  I've been reading so much lately that I almost feel burnt out on novels, fantasy, sci-fi, nonfiction, historical fiction.  It's okay, I've got the weekend to step back and spend my time in the reality of life. 

I seem to be finding a balance in my life, which is something I've struggled with for a long time.  I'm slowly but surely putting the pieces back together from my own personal tragedies.  Something, a friend spoke to me about recently really had me thinking. He said that he had lost himself in a relationship, and now that he was so far gone, he was angry with the person he was being. It was clearing not him and that was distressing. 

How do we know that the person we are, is not the person we strive to be? If it's the person we have molded into. How does one step back from the slight chameleon (this word totally makes me giggle and think of HIMY) we do when we meet others. If you spend so much time trying to please so many around you, how do you devour your own pleasures in life? 

If we spend so much time trying to be there for others, trying to tread the deep waters instead of doing the butterfly to our own crystal blue waters, where do we go? Don't we just go through a transformation, endure the swallowing of oneself to be spit out into a new reformed, changed and renewed self?  You don't stay lost forever, not if you realize you've found yourself again.

trouble parachutes

don't it make it sad that life is more than who we are. 

 -- So sometimes I wonder what I should write about in this place. It's my public journal so I try to filter myself. I don't know if I should filter myself. I am a pretty raw person, which can be a bit intense or awkward for people. 

-- hell it can be a bit awkward for me. 

i really love fall. i am so excited to see colorado in a season that i didn't realize i'd miss so much. i've got a long road ahead of me. but i just wanted to post and give myself a moment while something else was being done. 

now off to finish packing. and continue down this journey to reconstruct myself. i'm headed there...

slowly.

Stuff No One Told Me (but I learned anyway)

isnt that the truth? 

I'm still learning more about life than I ever did in school. I did however learn how to be an assertive person when I need to be, stand up for myself when I have to and also how to bullshit my way through almost any test, paper and tardiness. 

I learned that regardless of social standing in school, we all seem to be connected and would still be there for each other if the time arose. I'm not sure I learned that in school or through life, but with the people whom I had to be in that box with. 

What an interesting concept. 

Check out his blog: http://stuffnoonetoldme.blogspot.com/  It's definitely funny. 

Every day...

Every day I get to see you smile, is a great day to be alive.

I wish it would start to cool down in Las Vegas. I was just meandering through pictures from the passed year on a friend's facebook (stalking, creeping, lurking, whatever you want to call it....yes, I was doing it) and realized how bizarre it was to see myself and others in heavy thick jackets in Las Vegas.  It was really hard to comprehend that the weather will actually get cold enough for such things.... It seems so surreal. 

We have survived our first summer in Nevada and let me tell you, it was a struggle at some points. It's weird not really being able to go out much but I think we've managed to do pretty well.  Malia will slowly be released earlier and earlier to the parks, we'll be able to take nightly walks with the dogs. Hiking and camping are now possible (for a short while til it gets to cold).   Going down a slide at the park and not worry about third degree burns is now on the horizon.  Lack of hydration wont be a constant stress and we'll know that 4 gallons of water will no longer be required a day. 

I cannot wait for the weather to cool but I do look forward to our trip to the East Coast and back to Colorado, where when the weather changes so does the surroundings. I don't think the leaves will fall off the tree or snow will cling to our bushes this winter (anything IS possible) but we'll be able to get the fresh crisp air on the many adventures in store. 

I really look forward to this time of the year, just like every season.... At first, it's like opening a fresh batch of cookies... the first few are the best and by the time you've reached the bottom of the bag, you've had your fill. 

Welcome, Fall.... we've been waiting for you. 

i'll open up the moon for you.

Beautiful child, who captures my heart. Tests my patience. Makes me laugh when no one else could get me to smile. You are a beautiful, mischievous child. You have a very tender heart, a spitfire for a personality and the most caring nature. I hope you always keep these qualities as you grow into the woman you will some day be.

You bless me every day and sometimes, I don't even know it until the moment has passed. The gentle hugs, monster squeezes and questions for my endearment.

You love surprises.... which is absolutely no surprise since you were my biggest surprise and greatest gift. I haven't cherished our time nearly as much as I should. I am apologizing for not being the mother I strived to be. You deserve the moon, stars and very planets that drift over you while you sleep.   I apologize for letting the daily chores, the pettiness of life get between the truly important part of my life. You.

No longer will you have to tug my sleeve for attention, or ask if someone will play with you. I will stop what I am doing and be what you are seeking. I will always be your friend, your protector, your teacher and most importantly, your mother.  Thank you.

The way you view the world, through innocence, adventure and imagination is so vivid and fresh. You are an incredible little person and very dear to me, my dear girl.

So, baby... I will love you always.  So, my dear midget, I will love you forever. For you, are my dear one.

Love.

Jesus, take the wheel.

sometimes, my own words don't seem to work ....


Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on

Ooh, Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, take it, take it from me
Ooh ooh wah ah ooh ooh ooh